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Title: No, That's Not How Entropy Works (part 1/?)
Genre: crackish adventure
Fandom: Fire Emblem 8/Puella Magi Madoka Magica mashup.
Characters/pairings: mainly Lyon and Kyubey right now.
Summary/prompt: Kyuubey turned up on the kink meme. I couldn't resist.
Notes: I swear I didn't just include Knoll because I like him. If I continue, I'll work everything together. Oh yes.
Also, is it worth posting this to FFn?

 
The Incubators, at some point, discovered that young girls usually did make the best choices for their work. Just the right mix of those incomprehensible emotions - confusion, excitement, sorrow, and all those other squishy things that really weren't important to remember - to bring energy back into the slowly dying universe. Not to mention that childish glee - A magical girl? Me? I have so many wishes!

Every girl had wishes. Usually silly wishes. Sometimes with cake - but not always. Cake was usually too easy.

There was one certain world with one certain person who, as it turned out, was neither a girl, nor a wisher for cake. And yet, despite those things, this person was quite good at making wishes, and even better at having squishy emotions.

It was lucky - or it would have been, if rational beings like Incubators believed in anything like luck - that Kyubey (who didn't really stick only to Earth) caught his next magical... girl before someone else did. Indeed, there was some thing that might have frightened some lesser creature, offering his prey - er, future helper - wishes, without any real consequence! The nerve! (Well, there was some discussion somewhere about souls being devoured, the destruction of mankind, all of that, but nothing important, really. It wouldn't even come close to stopping entropy, not even for a minute.)

But Kyubey, in the nick of time, knocked the... giant Soul Gem, or whatever it was, out of the hands of his new friend, and sent it rolling out of the room and into some abyss, never to be seen again.

"So I heard you like wishes!"
Kyubey was one to do his research - though with his luck (again, if there was such a thing), he'd actually been through this a dozen times before in some other timeline, and some brat would come shoot him in the face before he even got through his speech. "Lyon of Grado, yes?"

And Kyubey's new friend nodded, despite the odd looks the hooded men around him were giving him. If Kyubey were capable of spite (of course, he wasn't), he might have imagined himself curling up and making nests in their robes, and making sure to roll around and get white fuzz all over them. No, he certainly did not imagine that. Not even for an instant.

"Yes," Lyon answered. "And... I do like wishes, but I was just about to -"

"Never mind that! I can do anything that shiny... thing of yours could have. All you have to do is make a contract - become a magical girl!" Lyon's face fell, as if he were quite used to this, and Kyubey took a moment to realize the problem. "Er... boy."

"But I am already a practitioner of ancient magic, and-"

Kyubey was beginning to think this was more neutral-synonym-for-trouble than it was worth. Objectively, of course. He let out a completely faked sigh before interrupting again. "My magic," he said, in the most rational way possible, "is better. And your wish? Anything you want." From the looks of the corpse in the corner, it would probably be the usual, "Please bring back my dead dad/uncle/second cousin/secret lover!!" Easy enough, though even the strongest wishes never quite got the smell out. Or maybe given what Kyubey had overheard, "Please, save my country from destruction!" Both good wishes, in terms of entropy, but rather a (reasonable and unbiased) pain in Kyubey's behind to fill.

"Anything?" Lyon asked - and they always seemed to ask that, as if they hadn't heard - and Kyubey nodded.

Lyon hemmed and hawed and stammered and fidgeted, and Kyubey was beginning to think maybe it would be less work to prance over to the gloomiest mage and contract him instead, as his wish to do the horizontal tango with the prince (a totally scientific term, of course) was as plain as day. Just as Kyubey moved to just do it, Lyon spoke clearly again.

"I... I mean there is my father, and Grado, but... but I really wish... for two people to love me." Kyubey was fairly sure the gloomy fellow was not one of those people - so much for two contracts with one stone, alas.

"Two? I can only do one."

"Well, they're twins! Does that count?"

It probably didn't, but for the sake of the universe, Kyubey could probably manage. Even though contracting for the sake of love was like something out of a cheesy girls' comic series, and contracting for twins sounded like the premise of a bad porno. Neither of which, of course, Kyubey knew anything about, save for rudimentary research-oriented facts and statistics. Obviously.

He consoled himself by imagining the sort of witch Lyon might make - hopefully an ugly one, for all the trouble he'd been. Maybe one that manifested with aardvarks, or sea slugs, or something equally unappealing, though Kyubey certainly didn't relish that thought, or think it would serve him right. No, rational predictions only - Lyon was certainly an aardvark sort of witch. Or wizard - though the term, somehow, made Kyubey imagine him with odd round glasses and a scar on his head.

The Incubator shook off the thought and began his work, pulling out Lyon's soul and doing all the dirty work involved in making magical gir-- boys -- magical.

"The contract is made!" he said, with his best :3 face, as Lyon came to and the rest of the mages stared at his newly frilly attire. There were rules to go over, witches to explain, soul gems to discuss cleaning, all that, but really, it would probably be worthwhile.

Aardvark witch! Kyubey reminded himself, as Lyon fussed that the gem color didn't quite match his clothes.

And thus did the adventures of Puella Puer Magi Lyon Magicaus begin.
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July 2011

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